


Writing out my thoughts

by Lune04



Category: Original Work
Genre: References to Depression, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-26
Updated: 2019-09-26
Packaged: 2020-10-28 15:24:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20780804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lune04/pseuds/Lune04
Summary: This is just me, writing out what's in my mind as a sort of personal therapy.My mind is a mess. Probably dealing with depression and such so please stay out if you are struggling and my be triggered by this sort of work.





	Writing out my thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! Just a heads up that this is just me rambling what's in my mind. Also just know that English is not my first language although for some strange reason it has become my deep thinking language. Anyways, if something doesn't make sense it's probably because I made it up or misspelled it.

Have you evered felt like shit and wanted to cry for no reason? Well this happens to me constantly. Set today as an example. I woke up relatively early, a bit after 8am. I had planned on doing several house duties such as fold some dry clothes, clean the bathroom or make lunch since I had the day off. I also planned on going for a run, as I am doing a race soon amd haven't realy trained for it yet.   
The thing is, it took me half an hour to get out of bed. I had breakfast, skimmed through the net, checked my mail, replied to a work email, sent a work application that seems better than my current position. Up to this point everything seems fine, don't you think? Well but then something clicked, just as if I lost all power to do anything and the apiraling thoughts started.   
"Why did you send that resume? You don't even have experience related to the position. They asked for Spanish, English and some basic French but you don't know French, so what's the point on submitting the application? You are a joke of a scientist, 5 years studying and yet you can't remember most of what you studied. They want someone organized and clean. How do you think you qualify for this if you can't even take proper care of yourself?"  
And then when I try to break out of the spiral by getting up and going for a run it keeps going.   
"Going for a run? What a joke. You're just going to embarrass yourself by coming back in less than ten minutes."

And now I'm writing this because I may go nuts if I don't share my feelings with someone. My head is my worst enemy and everytime I try to share this with family or friends, everytime I try to get help it backfires because my own brain self hatred gets worst before I can speak up. When I gather up enough courage then my head starts bullying me even more and it gets to a point where I cry myself to sleep and every time I'm by myself so I figured sharing it with strangers might help a bit and maybe one day I'll be able to get real help from a professional.


End file.
